Khaos Explained

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Thursday, August 20

The Confession... Coming Soon (if i ever finish it)

Here is an excerpt form a book I am writing. If you enjoy it please let me know and I will post more parts for you to read. Also let me know what you think of it.

P.S. Already copyrighted for all you plagiarist out there, so don't even think about it...

"Hello?" his deep voice thrummed over the line. Oh how I love that voice. It would be easy to fall into a trance like state and have fantasies, hearing that voice. The words he said wouldn't matter, only the timbre. The vibrations that roll off his tongue like the bass of a baby-maker album could melt even the strongest willed of women. I found myself drifting into that trance, just straining, waiting to hear his voice.

"Mac, I'm pregnant."

My fantasy went up in flames and with those three words my carefully constructed world of 3 years fell down around my ears. I considered my intentions good thinking I would listen in on the phone call just to hear his voice. My husbands voice, one that had always attracted me, fascinated me, completed me, it would now be my undoing.

"Why are you ca…what?" I guess her comment took a while to sink. The confusion and anger was evident in his words. "What are you talking about?" he said in obvious disbelief.

"I said I'm having your child!" her tears could be heard when she raised her voice. There was silence for so long I thought he might have hung up. I started to wonder if I was hearing things, trying hard to deny the possibility that something like this could be happening.

"You said this wouldn't happen, couldn't and now you call our house to tell me this. There are better ways this could have been handled," his said, but his acknowledgment of the statement was all it took. I knew my world had ended. Years of trust and faith built by our marriage burned down in moments. My mind was reeling. How could this happen, when? How had I not noticed? The pain was worse than anything physical. Chest constricted, trying quietly to bring air into lungs that no longer wanted to work beyond the hurt, I tuned my attention back into the conversation.

"Look I don't know why I decided to tell you. Maybe its because I know you long to have one of your own I felt you deserved to know. I'm pregnant and I'm keeping it. What you do with this info is your choice. I have done my part in sharing," she confessed thickly, the obvious pain in her voice reminding me of my own. "I feel like I've traded my soul for one night with you. She'll never for give me." It was there my world came to a halt. Listening beyond the tears I realized who he was talking to, Cyla, my best friend. I couldn't breath, the betrayal was mind numbing; the hurt, paralyzing. How could I ever look at either one of them again? The pain I shared with Cyla, the secret pain of not being able to give my husband the child he wanted so desperately. The moments spent crying my frustration into her arms. How could she, knowing the pain it would cause. My anger became frightening, almost overwhelming the grief.

My husband's sigh of defeat brought my attention back the call.

"Are you sure? How long have you known?"

"I found out last week, I have been fighting myself on whether to tell you or not. I called you here on a whim, hoping I could say this before I lost my nerve. I didn't want to break her heart more than we already have, but I couldn't keep this from you. If you decide to tell her I'll leave this decision in your hands. I can't face hurting her anymore. Lying to her was killing me inside," she said quietly, her voice becoming calmer. I had been wondering why she pulled herself away from our friendship over these few months and abruptly these last couple of weeks now I knew why. The shock of it all was beginning to wear down my nerves, but still I resigned myself to listen, to hear the rest of their story unfold. I don't know why but my mind needed to hear the rest, it needed to try to understand, to make sense of this mess.

"I am over six weeks along, there is no doubt. The doctors have me due in April. I hope you know this is not a ploy to be with you, and I am not attempting to destroy your marriage. I just want you to be informed, so you can't say I hid it from you." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How could she not destroy my marriage, she slept with my husband and now was going to give him the child I tried three years to give him. Forget my marriage; I felt she was destroying my life.

"I can't blame you for what happens when I tell Kai," his weary sigh seemed to be directed towards me, as if he knew I was on the phone. "We both had our hand in this. I should have had more faith in her. Should have stayed faithful, I should have never let you convince me otherwise. Now it is time to fess up. I have no intention of being with you, you knew this then, but I will live up to the responsibilities of my actions. We will handle the baby together," he paused, "I hope Kai can forgive me." Confused by his words I let grief consume me; he admitted his betrayal to her as much as to me. He planed to tell me, but how long did he think he could take?

"I will call you later; I have some confessions to make." With that he hung up. In the quiet of our bedroom, my chest hurting with silent sobs; I let the pain and anger take me.


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